Shrapnel of Love
by Thora Arwin
Summary: (NEW! (3)) There he was. The doctor that had saved my life, leaning against a feeble tent doorframe, chatting up a nurse. (A young girl, in search of her brother, finds herself in MASH)
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to Korea

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Title: Shrapnel of Love

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Author: Thora Arwin

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Disclaimer: MASH characters aren't mine. Bonnie is.

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Category: Gen/Het

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Summary: A young girl, in search of her brother, finds herself in MASH.

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Chapter: 1/?

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E-mail: xxxylin@yahoo.com

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Feedback: Well… I'd most definitely like some, lol!

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*****SHRAPNEL OF LOVE***** 

Chapter 01 

There he was. The doctor that had saved my life, leaning against a feeble tent doorframe, chatting up a nurse. 

I squinted against the blinding sun, the light outdoor breeze caressing my bruised cheeks from the shrapnel grenade. 

Spring was beginning and I could smell it in the air; wild flowers blossoming in the hills and the olive-green grass growing on mines on the dirty roadsides. 

If I hadn't been in Korea, I might have enjoyed the view.

"That's Captain Hawkeye Pierce, ma'am," Radar said cheerily, supporting my weight with his right hand and nodding towards a large circular tent in the middle of the compound, "the one that operated on you? And that's the Swamp."

"The Swamp?" I asked, amused, holding my robe over my body. 

It was so hot I could cry, pearls of sweat trickling down my forehead and neck and down my ribcage from my armpits, but I had nothing on underneath the robe, except for my post-op pajamas. I didn't want to flash anyone so I gripped it tight.

"Yes, sir! I mean… ma'am." Radar fidgeted like he'd just gotten an itch. 

I laughed as much as the stitches in my left cheek allowed. "Radar, I'm Bonnie."

He gave me a shy grin.

Captain Hawkeye Pierce. Tall, dark-haired and he was smiling big at the girl in front of him. I couldn't see him too clearly because the sun was in my eyes but I noticed he was thin, a little slouched and he was undressing the nurse with his gaze.

She was laughing at something he was saying, her body language showing she'd meet up with him whenever he'd ask her to, although the way she brushed her blonde hair behind her ear made it clear she was playing a little hard to get.

I rolled my eyes.

"Do you want to finish the tour of the camp, Lieutenant?" Radar asked and then he slapped himself over his cap. "Duh… meant to say _Bonnie_."

"Sure, Radar."

"_Oh_! One more thing! I need to ask Hawkeye which issues of _Appli_— ahh, heck, it doesn't matter— he wanted to order!"

I couldn't help but smile. "Of course. Go ask."

"I'll be right back! _Hawkeye_?!" 

He ran off, a dusty cloud rising into the air where his boots had been. 

Radar was an amazing person. I knew him for ten minutes and already I felt like he could be my younger brother. Always helping people, making jokes and, as I found out, running the whole MASH unit. He was so smart for his age. Only a little older than me. And he'd been at my bed with Doctor BJ Hunnicut when I woke up after the operation. Asked me if I wanted to see the camp. And because I hadn't been seriously hurt, Captain Hunnicut had let me. 

"But bring her back before midnight, Son," he'd said, grinning. And I'd immediately known that every patient he'd treated would be going home okay. And that his wife Peggy was a very, very lucky woman.

I watched Radar run up to Captain Hawkeye Pierce and the blonde nurse. Radar was holding his cap so it wouldn't fly away and he almost knocked the Captain over when he tried to stop his wobbly feet from running further than he wanted.

They exchanged a few words, the nurse grinning, and then they looked my way.

When he looked at me… when Captain Pierce looked at me… I felt the strangest thing. This tight feeling in my lower belly. Something I'd never felt before.

The nurse excused herself and they both headed my way. My throat was so dry it felt like I'd been breathing sand dust. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the Captain.

His walk was cocky, self-assured, with the tiniest trace of swagger in it, and he was saying something to Radar, then looking my way again. His hands were deep in his pockets and he was dressed like all the other people in the camp, in Army green pants and jacket, with silver dog tags dangling off of his neck, resting on his khaki skirt. Which was not tucked in like Captain Hunnicut's but loosely hanging over his hips. 

They stopped in front of me and he stretched out his hand.

"Hey there, Bonnie," he said, smiling. And I knew why the nurse had been blushing so much. 

His voice was melodic, smooth, the soft baritone rubbing over me like a living presence and making my heart beat _hard_ against my ribs. His smile was genuine, reaching his blue eyes and making me legs shake. He could have been looking at a stone and it would have melted it into a slobbery pancake at his feet.

"Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce of the 4077th," he said, grinning. "But call me Hawkeye."

The charisma was radiating off of him like heat.

I took his hand and almost winced at the electric charge passing through me. _What was wrong with me, dammit?_

If he noticed, he didn't show it.

I meant to say 'Nice to meet you, thanks for getting the shrapnel out of my gut' but instead I stuttered out, "_Hawkeye_?"

And immediately wanted to slap my own stupidity. _Sheeeesh_.

We broke the contact and the Captain just grinned bigger. "Well, either I have really good eyes, or my Dad's favorite book is _Last of the Mohicans_."

Radar nodded sideways. "It's the other," he said quickly.

Hawkeye laughed, his jet black hair flapping in the wind and his sparkling, even gaze never leaving my own. "How do you like my needlework, Bonnie?" he asked, gesturing at my cheek. 

The way he'd said my name made me shiver all over. 

"Oh, this?" I absently touched my face. I'd been so lost in my own little fantasy world that I had completely forgotten about the stitches. "They're good. It's okay."

"Let me see."

And he closed the distance between us and took my face in his hands. Inspected his embroidery. Stepped back again.

Left me weak in the knees.

"It's looking good," he said, squinting against the sun like me. Then his face lit up and he shot me a grin. "Exactly like the stitches on my socks I did yesterday. You saw them, Radar. What do you think?"

"Exactly like the socks, Sir."

"We practice on socks," he told me. "Sometimes it's the other way round. We practice on people then try it out on socks."

I had to laugh and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders like we were old friends and turned us around until post-up ward came to view. His closeness was overwhelming. 

He let go off me. "Ok, Radar. Take her back to bed. And no funny business, she needs the rest. Or I won't lend you my issues of _Applied Nudism_." 

Radar eyed Hawkeye warily then looked at me. "He's just kidding," he said in a hurry.

Hawkeye shook his head and said seriously, "I never joke about nudity, Radar—"

I noticed Captain Hunnicut casually walk up behind Hawkeye, startling him. Grinning, he said, "Hawk's telling the truth. He never has any clothes on."

"It's not true that I had nothing on, Beej. I had my _radio_ on."

"You just can't think with clothes on, huh."

"_She_ couldn't either."

BJ pointed a thumb at Hawkeye and laughed. "He's just trying to embarrass you, Bonnie."

Hawkeye raised an insecure brow. "Am I trying to embarrass her, or myself?"

I bit down on my lip and looked down, trying not to burst out laughing. The dirty ground seemed awfully interesting.

"The next question is, is it working?" He chuckled and checked his watch. "Okay, time to go examine the patients." 

"Or the nurses," BJ corrected.

"I've been examining them all night, Beej. Now I got to do the patients."

I licked my lips, smiling. Looked up at Hawkeye. He shot me a broad smile himself. Shaking me to the core.

"See you in bed, Lieutenant," he said, saluting with his left hand, curiously bent in the wrist. 

Before I had a chance to say anything he was gone.

I couldn't believe him. I could _not _believe him. He'd smelled like a woman and a bottle of cheap alcohol. He'd been unshaved, hair messy on top of his head, absolutely un-Army like. I'd never seen a doctor like that in my entire life. His manners were weird, he had absolutely no respect for anyone and he seemed like a womanizer, flirt, sex-a-holic. An arrogant prank-player, cracking naughty jokes wherever he went. 

And it was working.

Whenever he'd looked at me I couldn't stop shaking. Whatever he'd said made me forget about the misery I'd gone through up till now. Wherever he touched me left my skin begging for more. 

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What was happening to me?

Why did I want his eyes on me? Why did I feel like I wanted him looking at me, smiling at me? I knew nothing about him. He was a complete stranger to me.

"Bonnie?" Radar asked and I heard him over the _thump_, _thump_, _thump_ in my head. Whoa… Was I dizzy from the heat or from…

"Sure," I said. "Let's finish the tour."

* * * * *


	2. Chapter 2: Chief Surgeon Who?

*****SHRAPNEL OF LOVE***** 

Chapter 02 

What had _that_ been about? 

I shook the thoughts out of my head and faced Radar and Captain Hunnicut. 

The camp was swarming with people. Trucks were coming and going, swirling clouds of dirt under their road-worn tires. A jeep, with a young officer inside, came to a screeching halt just next to us— smoke rising— making all of us cough. The boy caught the eye of one nurse, leapt out of the car and they hugged, grinning like lunatics. Some privates were playing basketball, shouting at each other, sweating in the terrible heat. Nurses were heading out from post-op and for the showers, towels around their shoulders and shampoos in their hands, and two Korean merchants, who were pushing their wheelbarrows with wares, were trying to persuade a funny looking Major to buy something.

This was probably as normal as the unit got.

"Is he—?" 

"—always like that?" BJ finished for me and I nodded, unable to shake the adrenaline pumping in my blood from my encounter with Captain Pierce.

"Ooh, he's much worse."

I grinned, feeling oddly… _conflicted_. 

Captain Hunnicut chuckled and nudged Radar with a nod of his head. "Ok, Radar. Do what the chief surgeon told you to do. Take her to bed, soldier."

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Chief surgeon? Captain Pierce was the _chief_ surgeon of the 4077th? I tried not to look surprised.

"Yes, Captain, Sir," Radar said. "Ohh, and the mail has arrived, Sir—"

"From Peggy?"

"No, Sir. It's just—"

"Ah, well," the Captain waved his hand. "I'll be in the Swamp for another eight hours-_unconscious_. You can throw it on the table, Radar. And don't you dare wake me up before my next shift, or I won't play with you."

"I won't, Sir."

"Thanks, Radar." Captain Hunnicut smiled broadly. "All right, see you around, Bonnie."

"You too, Captain Hunnicut."

"Please, just call me BJ."

"Ok, BJ."

He turned and I watched him head for the Swamp.

Radar fidgeted a little. "Those are our captains," he said cheerfully, when he saw how bewildered I had to look.

"They seem really nice," I said truthfully.

"They're great! But you haven't seen nothing yet. They're greatest when they're saving people. That's really something." He was clearly admiring them and I guessed he had a good reason to. The small, precise stitches in my cheek (and gut) were a damn good reason for me, too. "The bestest surgeons I've ever seen," Radar continued. "They work all the time and never sleep. Sometimes I think they're not even human." He shrugged, thinking. 

The basketball ball fell out of one player's hands and rolled all the way to my feet. I bent down and picked it up, careful not to break the stitching in my abdomen, and threw it back to the good-looking private. He smiled then returned to the game.

"Whose shift is it now?" I asked Radar, who was still lost in thoughts.

"Hawkeye's. I mean, Captain Pierce's."

Oh, _great_. How was I supposed to sleep with _him_ walking around checking on the patients? I didn't want to know what kind of a pulse I was going to have with him taking it. 

"Thanks for the tour, Radar."

"Oh, it was nothing," he waved his hand, smiling sheepishly. "When they let you go out for a walk again, I'll show you the rest of the camp!" He shifted a little in his spot. 

I'd noticed he was hyperactive. He seemed to be restless without movement. 

"Rosie's Bar, the Mess tent, the Officer's club. All of it! And if you're interested, I can show you my animals, too." 

"Animals?"

Radar's face lit up. "I've got a cockroach collection."

I laughed, breathily. "Really?"

"Uh-huh," Radar said proudly. "And I win a lotta money with them, too. Last Friday I won five dollars on Sydney Freedman— oh, he's a psychiatrist, visits MASH sometimes— and ten on Father Mulcahy."

"You do _competitions_?"

"Yes, ma'am! And that's not all I've got," he beamed, "I've got rabbits, a hamster and two guinea pigs and— ahh, heck, Captain Pierce is gonna kill me if we don't get back to post-op!"

I had to laugh. "He's not going to kill you, Radar—" 

Radar seemed convinced of the opposite. "—Duh, and he won't lend me that January issue of _Applied Nudism_… it's not for me, though! I don't read things like that!"

"Just use it to bribe people," I finished for him, grinning.

"Well…" Radar put his finger to his chin and shrugged, "…I do send them to Sparky sometimes… exchange them for gauze or thermometers… or for comic books… but that doesn't mean that I read them!"

I smiled to myself and we set out for post-op ward, Radar supporting my weight again with an arm around my waist.

The sky was blue and the scorching sun was making me all dazed so it was absolute relief when Radar pushed the door to the much cooler ward open. We passed a couple of nurses whose shifts were just ending. They were giggling about something and because they walked right past us, I couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"… he's _great_, isn't he?"

"… you see how he _smiled_…"

The nurses pushed the doors open and disappeared into the heat outside. Interesting. I wondered who they were talking about.

Radar helped me into my bed. It was on the far left, next to a soldier that had his right arm in plaster and half of his face bandaged. He was fast asleep. 

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God, I'd been so lucky.

Radar snapped me out of my reverie when he said, "I need to go sort out the mail but I'll be back when they let you out again— and we can finish that tour!"

I grinned up at him from the sheets. "All right."

He fidgeted a little. "Well uh… oh, look! There's Captain Pierce. Good thing we got back in time!" he straightened up conceitedly. 

"More comic books," I said, smiling broadly.

Radar gave me an innocent look then absently checked his watch. "Oh, God! Now Colonel _Potter_'s gonna kill me! He's waiting for a letter from his wife, _too_! I have to… duhhhh…" And he ran off, driving his small body through the door and almost knocking over two new nurses that were heading for their starting shifts.

I pushed my back into the mattress, wishing I could fall asleep. But I couldn't stop thinking about all the amazing people I'd met so far. Radar, Captain Hunnicut, Captain Pierce… And I couldn't stop worrying how I was going to explain myself to the Colonel…

Swallowing, I propped up on my elbows and sat up. My throat was so dry and parched it felt like I'd grazed it with sandpaper. I needed to get some water into my body. I felt weak and even though the ward was much cooler than the outside, I was still sweating like a pig.

I had to clear my throat two times before I could speak, too. 

"Nurse?" and a pretty young nurse turned around and walked up to me.

"Yes?" she asked, smiling. She'd been working for hours now, had black circles under her eyes, but still she was smiling. I couldn't help but admire her for that.

"Could I… can I have some water, please?"

"Of course. I'll be right back." 

Great. I was feeling better already. My elbows gave out and I fell back into the mattress with a thud. I felt weak but I didn't feel sleepy. Just needed the water or caffeine or _something_ to get me back into business. A shower would have been nice, too.

My straw-brown hair was sticking to my neck and face and I had to smell like the filthy road outside. I was a mess and my limbs hurt and my heart was aching. _My brother_…

His voice shook me awake the moment I heard it. 

I closed my eyes again and listened to Hawkeye Pierce talk to a nurse, listened to him grab a chart and examine a soldier.

"… you feeling, Brett?" 

And I heard the soldier answer, "Thanks for putting me back together, Doctor."

"That's my hobby. In between chasing the nurses. Now get some rest."

"Thanks, Doc."

I opened my eyes and mobilized all strength to sit up again. I wanted to see him work. Or maybe I just wanted to see him. So I turned on my side and sat upright.

He had that white robe on, the one that doctor's wear, and he was making a note into soldier Brett's chart. He was slouched a little and he seemed tired. But each time he inspected a new patient he somehow dug up all the strength and energy that was inside of him and took care of everyone with such intensity and passion for his work that it left me speechless. 

Not only did he make them feel good on the outside, sewing them up, but also on the inside. He treated all the soldiers like human beings, not like names on the Army list.

And he was slowly proceeding my way, coming to examine the soldier that lay next to me with the bandaged head.

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Jesus, I didn't want him to see me like this! I pushed my fingers through my hair but I had it so tangled up that I got stuck and had to leave it the way it was. And the nurse hadn't brought me that glass of water either so my voice was all croaky. 

I licked the bead of sweat from my upper lip and rested my head against the pillow like a good little patient. And the moment I did, he looked my way and smiled.

* * * * *


	3. Chapter 3: Missing in Action

*****SHRAPNEL OF LOVE*****

Chapter 03

"Bonnie…" he said, all smoothly and lazily, like he were testing my name on his tongue for the first time, "…where's Clyde?" and he shot me a cheesy grin, took my chart and lowered his head to read my record, his jet black hair falling into his eyes. "How you feeling?"

I folded my arms over my chest, feeling a little testy at his comment. And a little amused. "Good," I said simply. "But I bet Clyde's feeling better."

Hawkeye raised his eyes from the chart and his lips widened into a wide smile. "Oh, so there _is_ a Mr. Clyde—"

"— Which wouldn't stop _you_, Captain, would it?" one of the nurses finished off. The one that had gone off to get me water— tall, blonde and very pretty, and she bent over to Doctor Pierce and whispered, "In the supply tent, after dinner," then leaned back again, straightened and gave him an important look.

I felt this weird, aggravating feeling in my lower belly. What the hell was wrong with me? I tore my eyes off of the two of them and looked sideways, scanning the ward for a familiar face. I found none. 

The pretty nurse got my attention when she rested a full glass of water on the bedside table and then started off, while Hawkeye watched her go. 

Then he lowered his eyes into my chart again, scratched in something about my treatment or medicine or maybe he just signed in his name and finally he hooked it onto the metal railing at the foot of my bed. 

I observed him with a raised eyebrow. 

He took a breath then sat down next to me and locked his eyes on mine. "So…" he began, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "…what're you doing here, Bonnie?" Smiling a doctor smile.

I bit down on my lip and looked away. "They threw a grenade on the truck I was travelling with," I started, reciting the speech that I'd prepared for Colonel Potter. "The truck ended up in a ditch. And we—"

Hawkeye shook his head and gestured with his hand for me to stop. "Look," he said. "I know all that. They told us when they brought in the wounded. I want to know what exactly are _you_ doing _here_."

"I got transferred to the 4077th," I said, not understanding. Was he questioning me, dammit? "They—"

"No, no, no," he said, cutting me off, smiling knowingly. "I want to know what you're doing in Korea. You're not a nurse."

"Well, no…"

"Not a doctor."

"No…"

"Then…?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Hawkeye exhaled, then rubbed his chin. "You're gonna have to tell the Colonel anyway, kid."

Kid? Ha, now that was funny. I was a _kid_ to him? How old had that blonde nurse been, huh? The one meeting up with him in the supply tent? _My_ age. Okay, so maybe a little older but I didn't need anyone addressing me _kid_. Especially not a self-conceited, narcissistic egoist.

"I'm Bonnie," I said, coldly. 

He grinned, amused that he got to me. "How old are you?"

I glared at him. "It's in my chart." _Read it if you can_.

Captain Pierce licked his lips, chuckling. "Okay, okay… One advantage of med-school is that they teach you to read. But still you're gonna have to tell Colonel Potter what you're doing here."

"I will." _And it's none of **your** business._

He gave me that naughty smile of his, the one that reached his eyes and melted the nurses— and almost made me talk, too. 

"You don't want to share it with your local doctor, Bonnie?"

He wouldn't have understood my reasons, I felt it. "No." 

"Okay then," he said, patting my thigh over the blanket in a doctor-patient manner— making my leg burn where his hand had been in an absolutely un-patiently way. "If you change your mind I'll be here all week for the pleasure of Korea." And he stood up, stretching. "I'll be in the back." He started off but turned around after the first step. "—Practicing my _reading_," he added. Then took off again.

My hands went into my hair, my heart pounding. God, I was a nervous heap. I dragged my ass over the mattress, until my back was resting against the wall and I was sitting up, having a good view of the whole ward, hugging my knees to my chest. I saw the pretty nurse- Doctor Pierce's date- help one of the soldiers into bed… and the other nurse that was serving the shift with her was measuring blood pressure of a small Korean boy. _Goddamn war…_

Hawkeye was heading out. 

Jesus, I didn't know what to make of him. Why did he want to know? And why did he have to keep touching me, for Christ's sake? I knew he was a doctor and I was hurt… but… but… I couldn't get a coherent thing out of my mouth when he kept looking at me like that. Like… like I was the strangest thing he'd ever laid eyes on. 

"Doctor?" I didn't want to let him leave- thinking I was a total brat. I was grumpy all morning but I didn't have to be grumpy at the one person that put my guts back together. 

He turned around just before passing through the door. "Yeah?" Smiled. 

Maybe he wasn't _that_ pissed off at me for snapping at him.

"It's… it's just too complicated… I'm sorry, Doctor."

"I love complicated." He took a few steps back into the ward and pressed his hands into the metal rail at the foot of my bed. "And I'm Hawkeye, remember?"

I smiled. Perhaps he didn't hate me that much. Well, so far. I knew he'd definitely hate me for joining the Army, though. He wouldn't understand and I just couldn't tell him why. My reasons were crazy and I was just a second away from going crazy myself. 

"Hey," he said softly, startling me, and I noticed he was curiously watching me fight my inner battle, "you don't have to tell me, Bonnie. I poke around in people's guts… I don't need to poke around with their heads, too."

I swallowed. Wanted to thank him but couldn't get the words out.

"But if you change your mind…" He left the sentence hanging in the air.

I laughed. "Okay."

He grinned. "If you need something, just ask for me." His eyes were glazed, tired, but sharp and observant. He could have been a good psychiatrist, or an agony aunt. 

And he definitely had to be a great lover. 

***

"Am I talking to… uh… Miss Bonnie Clarks? Sister of James P. Clarks?"

"Yes…? What's going on? Who is that?"

"This is Army Sergeant Timothy Pellam, stationed in Seoul, Ma'am. I am sorry to report that your brother, Lieutenant Clarks, has gone missing on March 2nd." 

"WHAT?! Where?! What are you—"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. Lt. James P. Clarks…Jamie…His 3rd Army Battalion was overrun by Chinese Troops near the town of Kujang in North Korea on the morning of March 2nd, forcing the unit to withdraw to the sou—"

"Wait… WAIT! What are you talking about…? What… what does all that mean?"

"When the unit regrouped the following day, more than 60 men were reported missing. Including Lt. Clarks. I'm real' sorry, Ma'am."

"M-missing…? What-what do you mean by 'missing'? What do you mean by 'MISSING'?"

"His remains were not found, Miss Clarks. There's nothing we can do."

"What? You're not doing anything?! God, you can't be serious! My brother's gone missing and you're not do—"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but it's a war out there."

"I fucking **know** it's a war out there! Can't you search for him?! Get a search party or—"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry!! I want my brother back, you hear? I WANT MY BROTHER BACK!!"

"I can give you a phone number for the COMSK here in Seoul—"

"What the hell is COMSK?"

"Central Office for Missing Soldiers here in Korea, Ma'am. It takes care of matters like these and you can contact them and ask if they've got more—"

"Can you give me the address?"

"Oh, the address? Hang on a— okay, got it. Got a pen? It's #206 YANGJAE-DONG, SEOCHO-GU, SEOUL. Want me to repeat that?"

"…………._"_

"Ma'am…? Miss Clarks…? Hello?"

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